Dear Devil’s Advocate,
I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling pretty consistently down for the past few months. There isn’t one reason why I’m feeling this way, but I’ve just been feeling a bit low energy and defeated. I thought this feeling would eventually just fade away, but it seems to be lingering. As a result, I’ve been considering seeing a therapist; the only problem is I have no idea how. I’ve never had to seek medical help from a professional before, and the whole process seems very daunting. I’m also worried about how my parents and friends would feel about me seeking help and if they would judge me for it. Part of me also wonders if seeking a therapist for my feelings would be an overreaction. Do you have any guidance to offer?
Sincerely,
Stressed Student
Dear Stressed Student,
You are one hundred percent making the right choice by seeking help for your emotions, and your choice to put your feelings into words shows exceptional courage and maturity. Feeling continuously low and down, even without a clear reason, is something many people experience, and it’s completely valid to seek support. You don’t need to justify your feelings with a singular cause–sometimes emotions linger, and that’s reason enough to care for yourself.
Therapy isn’t an overreaction, and it should be seen as the norm. Think of it like going to the doctor for a lingering cough–it might not be urgent, but it’s affecting your daily life. Therefore, it’s worth addressing. Most people would struggle to treat a cough by themselves with no medical training, and the same is true for our emotions. Therapy is a space for you to process your thoughts, understand patterns in your behavior, and gain tools to navigate difficult moments. Many people, even those without a specific crisis, see a therapist simply to check in with themselves.
As for the process of finding a therapist, it can feel overwhelming at first. This is particularly true in New York City, where it can be difficult to pick a therapist given the hundreds of options available. One of the best ways to start is by breaking it down into steps:
1: Research
You want to begin your search for a therapist with some research. At Poly, we are privileged to have access to Upper School Counselors Benjamin Marks and Anais Kingsberry, who are great resources that would love to help any students seeking professional help. Find the time to meet with them on your Google Calendar, and they can give you some good recommendations for your specific situation.
Though I highly recommend using our school counselors for the aforementioned reasons, there are plenty of online directories for those who would rather handle the search by themselves. Two of the most popular websites are Psychology Today and Zocdoc, where you can search for therapists by criteria. If you’re looking for something even simpler, a quick Google search for therapists in your area can be a good starting point.
- Consider What You Want
Now that you know where to search, it’s time to consider what you are searching for. Therapy and professional help come in all shapes and sizes. First off, you need to decide if you would like to speak to a therapist or a psychiatrist. A therapist provides counseling and mental health support, while a psychiatrist has advanced training in psychology and may conduct research, psychological testing, and prescribe medications.
You also need to decide how you want to communicate with your professional, whether that’s over the phone, using telecommunications like Zoom, in person, or a hybrid mixture of all these options.
Additionally, many websites allow users to filter their search by diagnosis: depression, anxiety, etc. If you know what you are struggling with, this can be a great tool. Still, you can speak with a therapist or psychologist about your feelings, even if you don’t have a specific diagnosis. Additionally, online surveys or conversations with school counselors can help identify symptoms and better understand what you’re experiencing.
- Reach Out to Potential Options
Once you’ve identified a few therapists that seem like a good fit for you, reach out to them. Many therapists offer a free initial consultation, which is a great opportunity to ask questions and see if you feel comfortable with them. Use these consultations to ask questions about their approach to therapy, experience with your concerns, availability, and fees. Remember, it’s okay to try a few therapists before finding the right match–therapy is a personal experience, and feeling safe and understood is key.
Seeking therapy can bring fear of judgment from family and friends, and it is normal to consider these external factors in your decision to seek help. Mental health stigma still exists, and you might worry about being seen as “overdramatic” or “weak.” These fears are valid, but they shouldn’t stop you from taking care of your well-being.
To handle stigma, set boundaries by sharing only with those with whom you feel safe. If you’re comfortable, gently educate others to challenge misunderstandings. Focus on surrounding yourself with supportive people, and practice self-compassion by affirming your brave choice to seek help.
Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve to feel supported, heard, and valued. Therapy can offer you a safe space to explore your emotions and develop tools to manage them effectively. You’ve already taken a significant first step by voicing your concerns–now, keep moving forward and take the next step toward healing.
With compassion,
Devil’s Advocate
